Refuse

It's the pause in my bones that causes the concern, it's a feeling of trepidation that keeps my feet rooted into this one spot. It's seedless, fruitless, the possibility for growth is devoid by this poison wind that passes through the vines of growth. I can not turn and find myself looking forward, reaching for a movement, a change in motion from what has been into what could be, what should be. I stand stagnant afraid of the venture that should lie in front of me; for it's easier for me to stand put, only taking small, tiny steps forward and backwards, from heal to toe and back again. The hesitation is what breeds the fear, or maybe it's the fear that spawns this hesitation. Is it the opportunity or possibility of obtaining greatness, the possibility of chasing life's truest adventure, life's truest test, life's greatest reward? Perhaps, it is the opportunity or possibility of falling face first, falling flat, being told that these expectations, these achievements will never or could never be? Perhaps this inability to strive, to fully take in life's breath is based around a sense of not being good enough, not being strong enough, being completely incapable of achieving the levels of success that only the story in my mind portrays? But these fears, this tentativeness that causes me to sway where I stand, never moving forward, but not going backwards is not the definition of my being, nor the definition of my soul. This can not be what makes the measure of my time, in this short moment that we call life. The obstruction that is fear, that is doubt, they are not immovable objects, but instead, the mechanisms for achievement, they are the water that feed the roots to our growth. With out these things, these elements that are solid, tangible entities in our world; we do not advance, we do not strive, we are completely and utterly incapable of the full potential that is waiting inside of us. Embracing them, fully living with them, cohosting our bodies, our hearts and our minds, with them is the palpable necessity to what measures our journey towards our success. I can not stand here staring as the sun sets on the possibility to fully live, to fully experience everything that this time has to offer, or better put, that I have to offer, what I have to give, what I have to share. That is the key ingredient to our destination; it is the stark realization that we deserve nothing, that nothing is given to us, that what we create through the sweat and tears of our labor is what we owe the time that we have been given. Hiding behind excuses, hiding behind failures, rejections, or obstacles that life has given to us is the true ingredient and definition to being afraid, a coward, and unaccepting of ones potential and worth. I will not allow the pause to render me motionless, I will not allow the seeds of doubt to stunt my existence, I will not allow the ones around me to perplex my beliefs, my ambition, my capacity to strive for all that life has to offer. These things will not happen through stagnation, they will not fall at our doorstep, but instead, we have to take them, we have to accost them, we have to take them violently, aggressively and without trepidation, without pause. I refuse to sway, I refuse to root in the grounds of mediocrity or societal norm, I refuse to allow the fear within me or the fear of others to influence my ambition, my goals, my hopes, my dreams in this journey through my time.