Beautiful Confusion

I wonder, as I often do, usually in some state of confusion, about the life that is happening around me. I ponder constantly, consistently trapped in my own mind, about what makes those around me tick, what path they are on, how their journey is turning out in their own mind, regardless of perception of others. Most of the time there are to many questions, to many different ideas swirling around in that dome for me to grasp on to one and pull anything useful from it; too much A.D.D. clouds my thoughts, "Look at this guy, long hair, dreads, full beard like ZZ Top...Hey, look at that car!"

But there is one thing that is amazingly consistent in my life, there is that one person that no matter what is happening, always has away of bringing things into focus. He is a creature of wonder, he is, at the simplest form, the love of my life. My son. He is all of three years old and doesn't know it, and everything is new to him but he attempts to approach each and every obstacle as if he were an old vet saddling up for one more go. His eyes tell a different story though. They are still big, they shine, they gaze at a world that is still fresh, clean like the air feels after a hard rain. Yes, those big blue eyes that are windows to his heart, to a soul that is fearless show what he is on the inside.

I stand in awe of him, his willingness to attempt anything; stand on the couch - jump off. I'm OK. Good, move on. Stand on the arm rest of the couch - jump off. I'm OK. Great, I must be a cross between Spiderman and Iron Man because I'm just perfectly fine! Stand on the top of the couch....Ohhhh wait a tick, this is higher, negotiating the descent is different because now, I can't just jump, but I have to JUMP to clear the cushions. Not to mention, all of this has to happen with quick, military like precision because Mommay and Dadday (this spelling is how he pronounces these two words.) will whoop my back side if they catch me up here. Forget about it, I'm SpideIron! Wooosh! One can get the picture pretty quickly.

He is what we lose as time goes on, as life jades our souls, he's free. When we're younger we know nothing of failure, we do not carry about scrutiny from peers, we don't even have to block those things out because we do not understand them. Tests are pass and fail, there is no grey area. My sons only goal in life is to make us happy, "Was that cool Dadday?", "Are you happy Dadday?" Nothing but pure love, no personal gain, no deceit. I see this, I see his ambition and his exuberance and I almost envy him. It breaks my heart that as he grows he will meet people, like me, that will take this from him. We all rob one another of this, we take it from each other without even knowing it!

What if it were all this simple? What if we all jelled with one another as we are, as we are when no one else is around but in a crowded room of strangers? What if, I dare ask, if those strangers didn't judge? What if we lived like my son? Like young children in general? How would this life be? What could we achieve as one? A documentary entitled, "I AM" comes out soon, it's done by the director, Tom Shadyac, that did Ace Ventura; this documentary claims, from some of the brightest minds in the world, that we are all one. We, fundamentally, are common, are linked in the core values of what we hope life will be about.

John Lennon had the same principal, one doesn't have to search far to understand this; listen to Imagine, or pull up almost any interview with him and he'll make this very clear. But a soap box is not a flattering place for anyone to be seen.

I look at my son and admire him, admire what he is and what he will be. I draw from him. I hope that I can protect that wonder, that awe of life, the tenacity to forge ahead no matter how many times he falls, not matter how hard the landing might be, that he has and to protect it as he grows. In doing so, I have rekindled mine.