Youthful Ignorance

You ever find yourself wondering what a young, naive version of you would say to the you of the present? I guess if you're my age, you're old enough to have a decade between your eighteen year old self and, well, yourself of the present. It's reflection that drives us, it's the look in the past of what things were that guide our light to what we want, the path we feel, at the time, is most pertinent to us. It's upon these reflections, these glances of yesterday and the combination of what was with a healthy dose of present and future that urge us, that forces us to manage the now. One does not exist without the other. What would yester-year say to present? What would he/she say when shown what you've done with yourself? Would they be proud? Would they believe that you allowed yourself to make the decisions you've made, gone the places you've gone, or lived the way that you've lived? How would they feel?

Within this self examination one has to look at what can be changed and what can not. Decisions can only be changed if in the present, can only tilt if weighed upon in the now, this is the divide between past, present, and future. One can not change what one has done, one can only imagine what one would do, but one can immediately determine a new venture, a new idea, a new path here in the now. This, is the only instance that a decision can be changed, it's only for a second that the world is yours to control before it rolls over into what was. So this thought, this function is to live in the now, live for what is, and think about what was sparingly, and think about what could be more-so, and live in the present constantly.

But to the main point of this post; what would the old you say or think of the you of today? I've found myself pondering this over the last ten years of my life; based on decisions I've made, mistakes that I have made, and the successes that I've obtained. I see my life in a vacuum at times, so tunnel visioned on one theme; failures. Call it the pessimist in me that drives these feelings of inadequacy, the torment of short comings, flailing potential slowly drifting out of sight, and opportunities fading away. We are all our own worst critic, we all wish to be the other guy, but is this a bad thing? It can be. You can only do the best with what you have, everything else you have to take through determination and hard work, discipline, and a relentless pursuit of your passion regardless of how often you've been told no or fallen short. Not all of us are capable of doing this. We allow the pessimism - pessimism being a bigger, prettier word for fear - to eat us up, to allow us to give up, and walk away with excuses. We can justify just about anything. But sometimes focusing on the bad things, the mistakes can be what pushes us to the positive, it can be our motivation, our driving force that doesn't allow us to give up. This is something that the younger us could not have understood. This is something that the younger me would not have been able to wrap his tiny, eighteen year old brain around and comprehend. Failing is a necessity in life, but the lot of us have a fear of success, not the fear of failure.

I ask about the younger US because of the naivety that we have in youth, the wild ambition that is unhampered, or tainted by reality, by the world around us; bills, vehicles, homes, jobs, friends, disease, and so on. The idea is to embrace that junior version, take that ambition and mold it, keep it, and focus this on the now. Sprinkle that drive, that, almost, ignorance and force it into your system, to fend of the jaded cancer that becomes reality. I think the younger version of ourselves would ask, "What dreams have you gone after? Why not?" I think if we were to go back we would realize just how much we've conformed to what we're supposed to do as 'adults'; graduate high school, go to college, get a job, find a spouse, have kids and that is that. But why? I'm not saying one shouldn't finish school, but does it have to be a set routine? I would contend that it does not. We have this once, and only once. So the younger us should tell the present us to live now, realize now, don't give up on what was and what could be. Make your decision in the now to realise your full potential. Do not allow it to fade away, burn out, or be snuffed about by insecurities. The younger us was not scared. The younger us didn't care about failure, couldn't. Failure are only imposed by the thing that we surround ourselves with, and mostly failure is another word we use for comparison. When I compare myself to Bill Gates I feel a lack of legacy, a lack of accomplishment. We do this with friends, loved ones, and those that we have an innate disdain for, even though we don't care for them. Always comparing; but success is measure through the same. What would the younger you say about your success?

So we shift the focus of what is asked, and revitalize our focus. This is what the younger us would have done, because they would have known no differently. So I ask you, can you compare yourself to the younger you in thought, in belief, in motivation and determination? I know that through the last ten years of my life this is what I've come to understand, all of this chaotic rambling is my school of hard knocks on display. Is it possible to merge the past with the present to make it our future?